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My life and her

written by: babeestars

.........


At the beginning she the was the girl they all loved, and I envied the attention they got from her, because I wanted to be the one she sat next to, or the one she helped. I wasn't because I didn't shout her name over and over, and I didn't ask her a million questions. So I was like a shadow, left behind.
as I grew up she become the person I wanted to be, the person I could become. I wanted so much to be her. And I would watch from a distance and hope so much that maybe I would end up like her.
soon I was becoming her, and it wasn't the things I would do to try and become her, but I was so naturally like her. It sounds like I tried to change myself to become someone I wasn't but thats not how it was. But I really was like her.
and eventually I was that girl she would sit next to and would help, and it wasn't because I shouted her name or asked her millions of questions but because she said I was her friend. And I treasured that, I held onto it so tightly, but gradually I could feel it slipping and I was so scared that it would be lost.
I used to believe she was my friend until I met one of her older friends. It wasn't long before I learnt how she treated her friends, and it wasn't the same way she treated me.
Soon I felt I'd lost her, and I would cling to the memories I had in hope that they would keep me going.
I helped her get her job.
I found out she was moving when someone else told the group. I nearly cried.
and this meant she was really going. She said she'd come back but I knew for certain she wouldn't be, because I knew her. I knew her promises meant nothing.
now we are friends. I don't know how it happened, but it did. She's not the person I aspire to be, because I now know she's not perfect. And I don't need to cling to memories because I know there will be more. I don't need to know when ill see her, because I know I will. I don't need to keep her messages because soon they will be replaced. And that's ok. Now she is my friend, now we talk like friends, we treat each other like friends, and I know its real, that its going to last. I'm not afraid to be me anymore.


........


She changed my life in so many ways. She taught me so much about myself. And now I'm not living my life in shadow of her. I'm living it standing right next to her. And it's more perfect than I could have imagined

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